Last week, the TSA confiscated a cupcake from a woman flying home from McCarran Airport in Las Vegas. The agent told her that the frosting was similar in consistency to a gel, and violated the prohibition on potential explosives.
The woman was Rebecca Hains of Peabody, Mass., a professor of communications at Salem State University. The cupcakes were gifts from a student, and were packaged in jars. When Ms. Hains protested that she had succesfully passed through security with the cupcakes at Boston’s Logan International Airport earlier in the week, the agent replied that TSA in Boston was obviously snoozing on the job.
“It’s not really about the cupcake; I can get another cupcake,” said Ms. Hains. “It’s about an encroachment on civil liberties.” While many agree with her, I have to applaud the TSA in this case. The cupcake craze is still one of the nation’s hottest culinary trends, and as such poses a serious risk to national security. The widespread proliferation of cupcakes around the country simply means that we need to be far more vigilant than we were five years ago. Most of the people who start cupcake businesses appear to be stay at home Moms—just the type of individuals with enough time on their hands to prowl the Internet, sifting through Jihadist websites in search of instructions on how to turn a cupcake into a bomb. Even worse, these cupcake fabricators would make perfect suicide bombers: they appear to be sweet and innocent, right up to the point when they set off the cupcake and bring the plane out of the sky.
The average American eats 33 cupcakes each year. Given our current population, that’s close to a trillion cupcakes. With stats such as those, you can’t be too careful.