Hot Wheels: Land Rover Defender 90 V8

Talk about a truck with an identity crisis. Here’s a rugged, tough-as-nails, climb-any-mountain 4×4 SUV that really thinks it’s a sexy sports coupe.

Behold the Land Rover Defender 90 V8. It has just two doors, like a sports coupe. And a mighty supercharged 5.0-liter V8 packing 518 horseys, just like the most potent of sports coupes.

Pedal to the metal, accompanied by a soundtrack that’s part NASCAR stock car, part bad-boy Mustang Dark Horse, and this quirky, oddball Defender can thunder from standstill to 60 miles per hour in a quite insane 4.4 seconds. Zero to 100 miles per hour? That takes just 10.6 seconds.

That’s way quicker than most sports coupes.

No, this short-wheelbase, two-door Land Rover makes absolutely no rational sense. Why choose two doors when there’s a perfectly spacious and way-more versatile four-door Defender 110 with the same engine?

The answer to that equation is: Because you can. And because you dare to be different.

I’ve just spent a testosterone-charged week behind the wheel of this stealthy, matte-gray Defender 90 Carpathian Edition. Sticker price $118,285. Gulp.

As for its ability to spin heads faster than a Hulk Hogan sighting at Target on Black Friday? Just priceless.

Don’t say that Land Rover doesn’t offer choices with its super-successful Defender line-up. In addition to this 90 model, there’s the 110 which has two extra doors and 17 extra inches in length. Then there’s the Defender 130 that’s 14.2 inches longer still and comes with a third row for seating for eight.

But back to the 90. Of course, you don’t have to opt for the pricey V8 Carpathian Edition. There’s a base Defender 90 S with a turbo 2.0-liter packing 296 horsepower and pricing from $58,525.

Me? I’d be happy with the 90 X-Dynamic SE mild-hybrid with a 3.0-liter turbocharged six-cylinder and 395 horsepower. That’s priced from $70,125.

But what really sets this two-door 90 apart from the crowd is the delicious option of 5.0 liters of supercharged V8 power.

And what a V8 it is. It’s actually a slightly detuned version of the V8 fitted to the dearly departed Jaguar F-Type SVR performance coupe. In addition to those 518 ponies, it conjures-up a muscley 461 pound-foot of torque. That’s a lot.

As for the Carpathian bit, the name comes from a mountain range that stretches 1,000 miles across Central and Eastern Europe. In the Defender 90 flagship, it refers to the dark matte gray paintwork together with a hood, roof, and lower parts of the doors finished in shiny gloss black.

Other goodies include the matte-gray, five-spoke 22-inch rims and blue Brembo brake calipers, a lighter gray bumper section with mesh inserts, and big V8 badges.

Make no mistake, this is one funky-looking ride that almost seems as tall as it’s long. Stubby doesn’t even come close to describing it. But there’s also something wonderfully menacing about it; this would be the perfect vehicle for any budding 007 movie villain.

Climb aboard, thankfully made easier by the sturdy side steps, and it’s a sea of black, from the Ebony Windsor leather for the seats, to the industrial-looking black plastic center console and the lovely-to-the-touch, suede cloth wheel.

Speaking of interiors, anyone required to sit in the back should start limbering up now. While the three-across seat has tons of legroom, getting back there, and especially getting out, requires expertise in contortion. It ain’t easy.

And the major drawback with that stubby, short length is that luggage space behind the rear seat is teeny.

But boy is it an absolute blast to drive. The big V8 turns even the shortest grocery run into an imaginary sprint around the track at Daytona. Squeeze the throttle, feel the eight-speed automatic kick down, followed by an absolute tsunami of thrust.

Arguably the real surprise here is the way the Land Rover carves curves. Air springs and adaptive dampers tame most of the body lean, while laser-precise steering and grippy Goodyear Wrangler rubber sharpen the handling. And all this, together with a smooth, surprisingly comfy ride.

No, the 90 V8 makes no sense. But sometimes you just must break the mold. And go wild.